


5 times Jiwon played a song and the 1 time it came from the heart

by Giraffe23



Series: Hanbin's Idol Boyfriend [5]
Category: K-pop, iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Anal Fingering, Anal Fisting, Angst, Blow Jobs, Boyfriends, Caring, Choking, Competition, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Smut, Holding Hands, Hurt/Comfort, Idols, Inspired by Music, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Romance, Sleepiness, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-07-24 00:22:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20017198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giraffe23/pseuds/Giraffe23
Summary: Jiwon had been wondering what was going on with Hanbin for weeks but, determined to give him his space, he had held off on the interrogation. However, when Hanbin suddenly becomes happy again - due to a stupid song his equally stupid brother recommended - you can bet your ass Jiwon is going to show Hanbin who is the best; even of it is only in his choice of music.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MVforVictory](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MVforVictory/gifts), [EbbaTriesToWrite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EbbaTriesToWrite/gifts).



> What's up lads. This turned out to be waaay longer than I was expecting by like 5k, whoops. Anyway instead of doing this all in one go I'm going to make it be two parts so I hope you enjoy the cliff hanger.  
> This was partly inspired by YGgetanAttitude - the sleepiness (which will actually come next chapter) is down to them and EbbaTriesToWrite - because she's just writing awesome stuff that made me want to write too. So yeah.  
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this story.  
> Please leave a kudo if you enjoy and any comments you would like. I love to hear from you and please leave any requests you have down there, or on my twitter @Ryeowooksgiraff, too. X

Jiwon sighed as he pushed away from his desk and stretched out his back; the muscles complaining as they finally moved after hours of being slouched over in the studio. Checking his watch, Jiwon decided he had worked long enough on the songs and it was time for a break or time to go home - yeah, home sounded better.

Despite it being the early hours of the morning, Jiwon knew Hanbin would most likely still be attached to the computer screen in his own studio; so it would be up to Jiwon to get the other man back to the dorms. Shutting down all of his monitors and collecting the food wrappers from around the room, Jiwon headed to the other man’s studio; intent on dragging his hard working boyfriend home for the night, even if it was just for a few hours sleep.

When he stepped into the corridor housing Hanbin’s studio the automatic sensors turned on the lights and Jiwon chuckled to himself, it really felt like you were the only person in the world when you walked around the YG building so late at night. Jiwon often liked to work late for that exact reason - so he could enjoy the quiet and feel the vibe of the building or the city beyond. It was so different to how he had grown up but it had quickly come to feel like he belonged there.

Smiling to himself as he thought about how much Hanbin was a part of that belonging - all the mans were - but Hanbin had always held a special place in his heart, Jiwon knocked on the door to the studio. When no response sounded, Jiwon shrugged and pushed the door open cautiously. No response often meant Hanbin was either sleeping in the studio again or, working on a particularly troublesome part of a song; either way Jiwon didn’t want to interrupt.

When he had pushed the door open just enough to pop his head into the room, Jiwon’s smile widened as he spotted Hanbin sitting in his chair - although sitting was a liberal description of what the other man was doing. Hanbin had one leg propped up on the desk between his keyboard and mouse while the other was tucked in front of him in a way that suggested he had once been sitting cross-legged.

The position didn’t really surprise Jiwon as he had found Hanbin, and posted many photos of him, in very odd places throughout the years. It was always cute to see Hanbin curled up in some obscure corner as the overworked leader caught up on desperately needed sleep but it was even better when the position reminded Jiwon of… something else. The current position meant Hanbin had to lean forward and stretch over his legs to use the mouse, displaying the beautiful muscles in his back and the flexibility that Jiwon would absolutely be taking advantage of every chance he had.

Watching Hanbin just doing his thing made Jiwon chuckle as he stepped into the room and carefully wrapped his arms around Hanbin’s shoulders. Hanbin jumped in surprise, knocking his mouse off the table with a loud clatter, but turned with a wide grin when he realised who was there.

“What you doing here, Hyung?” Hanbin asked, leaning back in his chair and tilting his head adorably to look up at Jiwon.

“I came to get you, Darlin’, did you even notice the time?” Jiwon leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to Hanbin’s cheek.

“Mhmm… you did?” Hanbin hummed, pressing his cheek against Jiwon’s lips gently before pulling away with a giggle. “Then I better get ready to leave.”

“No rush.” Jiwon pressed another quick kiss against Hanbin’s neck before unwinding his arms to allow the younger man to get everything together.

As Jiwon sat and watched Hanbin moving around the room he patted himself on the back for coming and getting his wayward boyfriend. Despite Hanbin’s playful teasing there were worryingly large dark circles under his eyes and the sluggish movements the man made as he cleaned up dripped with exhaustion. Jiwon knew there wasn’t much to be done, as the leader, Hanbin had responsibilities and tasks to complete that the other members sometimes didn’t even know about, but at least he could get him some half decent sleep for one night.

Sitting and waiting, Jiwon leaned back to relax, his own fatigue beginning to show itself in sympathy with the other man. Hanbin continued to click around on his computer as he closed everything down and Jiwon smiled to himself, even the mechanical clicks of a mouse sounded like a melody or a beat when Hanbin was doing it. It was almost as if music oozed out of every pore the man had and had to be channelled in every mundane task possible.

After a few moments had passed, and Hanbin was still closing down his work, Jiwon looked around to see what he could do to help speed things up. Spotting Hanbin’s phone plugged into a speaker Jiwon headed over to collect the device, but as he drew nearer the quiet song playing reached his ears.

It was that damn song again, the one that made Hanbin’s eyes turn soft and smile go all dopey. Jiwon set his jaw, he knew he shouldn’t get annoyed that Hanbin had seemingly found a new obsession but it was getting a bit much at this point. Every time they shared earphones in the van Hanbin would ask Jiwon to put it on. When they were relaxing in the evening Hanbin would add it to the playlist. Jiwon had even heard Hanbin humming it in the shower when he had been brushing his teeth in the same room.

It wasn’t that Jiwon was tired of the song, he actually quite liked it, it was more the fact that Hanbin had become so enamoured by a song Jiwon's brother had suggested. As two people who had both given their lives to music, it had always been an important part of their relationship as well; some of Jiwon’s best memories were of the times they had spent in the studio listening to songs they had recommended to each other. It grated on his nerves that Hanbin seemed to have focused on this particular piece, almost to the exclusion of all else, and Jiwon pondered what he could do about it.

“Hyung?”

"Huh?" Jiwon grunted as he was pulled back into the room.

"What you doing?"

“Nothing. You good to go?” Jiwon asked, spinning around to see Hanbin stood in front of him with his backpack slung over one shoulder.

“Yup, lets go.”

“Don’t forget your phone.” Jiwon reminded the other, feeling slightly guilty about his green monster incarnite currently scratching at his ribcage.

“Thanks Hyung.” Hanbin accepted the device and turned to slowly walk to the door as he opened the phone.

What did it matter if Hanbin just happened to like a song someone else had recommended more than he liked Jiwon’s suggestions? It wasn’t even as if Ji-un had given the recommendation straight to Hanbin either, it had come through Jiwon himself, so there really was no reason to be so jealous - not that he was jealous.

Maybe it was the fact that Hanbin had been so distracted for literal weeks before finally starting his campaign to get everyone listening to 'Silence' every second of the day and Jiwon still didn’t know what had been going on. He had wanted to give Hanbin space to come to him without being too pushy. Hanbin may be a certified musical genius but he was sometimes a bit emotionally constipated when it came to himself; they had been trying to work on it but part of that came with Hanbin himself deciding to seek help.

It was frustrating as all hell to just watch Hanbin’s mind turn in circles, the gear wheels never quite connecting and slipping past each other on an endless loop, but it would do them both a world of good in the end. Jiwon needed to learn to trust Hanbin to come to him and Hanbin needed to learn to ask, it was slow going but it was making them even stronger together.

Still, looking at Hanbin now as the man checked through his missed messages, Jiwon couldn’t help but want to be the best in Hanbin’s eyes - at everything. He knew, logically, that it didn’t matter where the song was from but it didn’t stop him from wanting it to be his song Hanbin played at all hours. 

“Hyung?” Hanbin called and Jiwon jolted back into reality.

“Sorry, Bin-a, are we heading out then?”

“Yeah, remind me again who needs to take who home? You shouldn’t work so hard.”

“Don’t play that game, Darlin’, you know I’ll win.” Jiwon teased as he slipped Hanbin’s bag off the other’s shoulder and onto his own. “And I have the evidence to prove it.”

“I can carry-” Hanbin started to protest; reaching for the bag but Jiwon caught his hand in his own and intertwined their fingers.

“I know you can, but I want to do it for you.”

“Whatever floats your boat.” Hanbin shrugged and bumped shoulders with Jiwon as they walked out of the studio.

The trip back to the dorms was unusually silent but Jiwon was pretty sure Hanbin was too tired to really notice how distracted he was, or maybe he was just used it by now due to how many times Jiwon had spaced out staring at the smiles Hanbin flashed around like he didn’t know how beautiful he was. 

Either way, by the time they arrived back in the dorms and had fallen haphazardly into bed, Jiwon had a game plan. It was too late to start immediately but Jiwon was pretty sure with his musical repertoire he could find something Hanbin would like.

Oh, how _wrong_ he was.

After several days and many, many sessions spent listening to new songs Jiwon was still lacking a song that really delivered. He wanted only the best for Hanbin after all and he had a point to prove - even if it was only to himself.

The fruitless search was beginning to wear on Jiwon’s already tired mind and the early start for a photoshoot scheduled that day was a struggle of epic proportions for him as he sat in a daze at the kitchen table.

“-won. Jiwon!” JinHwan’s shout finally roused Jiwon and he dropped his chopsticks in surprise. Flinching back from the fingers the oldest was snapping in his face.

“What? Who’s dying?”

“You, in a moment, when Jinani starts force feeding you so we can get out the door on time.” YunHyeong chuckled and moved to put his bowel in the sink.

Looking around, Jiwon realised they were indeed the last people in the room. Instead of hurrying up though, Jiwon allowed his head to fall onto the table in dread. He really didn’t want to do this today; the makeup stylists were going to throw a fit about his unkempt appearance.

“Jiwon.” JinHwan called again impaintantly.

“I’m listening.” Jiwon grunted, keeping his face down on the table.

“Are you and Bin fighting?”

The concern in JinHwan’s voice made Jiwon’s mind screech to a halt and he sprang up to look at his Hyung.

“Why? Has he said anything to you? Was it the upside down water glass I left on the table during movie night? I apologised straight after; I thought he was-”

"Let me stop you there.” JinHwan sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, a… a water glass? Anyway, I was only asking because both of you have seemed so distracted recently and I just wanted to check everything was okay.”

_Okay_? Jiwon’s mind whirled. Were they okay? Had he been so focused on one upping his own brother that he hadn’t noticed his boyfriend, that he saw literally everyday, was pissed at him? Running quickly through every interaction he had with the other man leading up to the start of Hanbin’s weird behaviour and every time he hadn’t been able to see him but nothing stood out in his mind.

The next thing to be considered was how to fix it. Without knowing what he had done Jiwon didn’t really know where to start with fixing it either and he couldn’t ask Hanbin since an angry Hanbin was a very uncooperative Hanbin.

Sighing, Jiwon scrubbed at his face with his hands. What was he going to do?

“Jiwon, for goodness sake, pay attention.” JinHwan’s anger and fingers snapping in front of his face drew Jiwon back out of his downward spiral.

“Sorry, Hyung.” Jiwon apologised tiredly.

“Honestly, I feel like I’m training dogs with how much I’m snapping at you and Hanbin just to keep your attention on the-”

“Snapping! That’s it.” Jiwon exploded to his feet as his brain suddenly made a million connections at once.

“What’s what?” JinHwan asked in confusion.

“Thank you, Hyung.” Jiwon called over his shoulder as he scrambled to his bedroom to find his phone.

Scrolling through his various playlists, Jiwon smiled when he finally found the song he had been looking for. Hanbin would like it for sure, the music was interesting and he had mentioned liking the singer’s group activities before. Tucking his phone into his pocket so he could show Hanbin, Jiwon bounced out into the hallway to find everyone.

Unfortunately, they really were running late and Jiwon didn’t even manage to say ‘good morning’ to Hanbin before they were being scolded and hustled into the van. The universe seemed to be feeling merciful that morning though and Jiwon managed to snag the seat next to the leader easily.

Hanbin smiled when Jiwon sat down next to him and immediately leaned over to rest his head against Jiwon’s shoulder with a sigh. Jiwon froze in the middle of putting on his seatbelt and strained to look down at Hanbin where the younger was distracted on his phone. Narrowing his eyes, Jiwon studied the other man. This wasn’t usual angry Hanbin behaviour.

Slowly, Jiwon continued to do up his belt and then sat back in his seat. Hanbin wiggled around a bit to readjust and then let one hand drop to Jiwon's lap to play with his fingers absentmindedly. Jiwon stared down at the top of Hanbin’s head in confusion, what was going on.

"You still tired, Bin-a?” Jiwon asked.

“So tired.” Hanbin groaned, not even pausing his scrolling as he spoke.

“You going to sleep for the journey?” Jiwon held his breath as he waited for Hanbin to reply, this could be his chance.

Hanbin stopped scrolling and Jiwon could imagine the lip bite Hanbin would no doubt be doing as he thought. Finally, Hanbin let the phone drop into Jiwon’s lap and he sat up so he could sit facing Jiwon.

“Nah, I don’t want my face to be all puffy for the shoot.” Hanbin frowned. “I’m ugly enough as it is.”

“As much as I know you are joking, don’t say that Bin.” Jiwon scolded and squeezed Hanbin’s hand with his.

Hanbin smiled around a yawn and nodded his head before letting his body fall sideways to hit the chair back with a thump. Jiwon felt his face flushing at little bit at the sleepy expression on his boyfriend's face, Hanbin’s dimple appearing to complete the killer look.

“Yeah, I’m joking. I managed to get a living wet dream like you to date me so I can’t be that bad.”

“Idiot.” Jiwon scoffed, blushing heavily.

Hanbin’s cheeks puffed up as his smile widened from the idle smirk it had been before into a face spiltting grin and Jiwon decided a little embarrassment was worth it if Hanbin kept looking at him like that. Hanbin continued to watch him and Jiwon watched back, just taking in everything about the man beside him.

“You want to listen to some music?” Jiwon suggested in what he hoped was a casual tone after a little too long staring at the other's eyes.

“Sure.” Hanbin shrugged and leaned forward again to rest his head against Jiwon’s shoulder; leaving Jiwon to fiddle with the earbuds and put it in Hanbin’s ear himself.

“You said you liked I.O.I and Chungha, right?” Jiwon asked as he pulled up the music app.

“Yeah, their stuff was cool.” Hanbin hummed.

“Well, she released an album recently; have you listened to it?”

“I didn’t have the time. Is it good?”

“Yeah, I like this one song in particular.” Jiwon pressed play and felt excitement bubble up as Hanbin made little jerky nods in time to the music.

Jiwon bit his lip as he let the song play through, his anticipation about what Hanbin would say making him nearly jittery as he waited for it to end. 

The song itself was pretty cool and the idea of a love just... fading away felt so whimsical to Jiwon, especially while he had Hanbin pressed up against him and the fire of his love for the other man burning in his chest, it all made the song interesting to listen to.

When the final notes of the song faded away Jiwon turned down the volume of the next song and looked down at Hanbin’s fluffy hair.

“What did you think, Bin-a?” Jiwon’s heart pumped in his chest as he waited for a reply but as the seconds ticked by, and Hanbin didn’t even move, the smile slipped of Jiwon’s face. “Bin-a?”

Pulling the earbud out in disappointment, Jiwon leaned forward to get a clearer look at Hanbin and immediately noticed the slow up and down of his chest. Jiwon then noticed the sounds of deep breathing coming from his boyfriend and Jiwon let his head fall back against the headrest.

Hanbin clearly hadn’t been all that enthused by the song like Jiwon thought he would be, instead he had done the exact opposite and fallen asleep to it. Jiwon pursed his lips in thought, clearly it was back to the drawing board with his hunt to find Hanbin’s new favourite song.

* * *

The next spark of inspiration came a few hours into the photo shoot while Jiwon was watching Junhoe have his first set of pictures taken. The younger man was leaning against a shiny black piano in a stylishly asymmetric black suit as the makeup Noonas gave him the last few finishing touches.

The director had been prowling around all morning and instructing Junhoe to look in all number of angles around the room for each photograph; slowly getting more and more annoyed as the time went on. Jiwon snorted, that man was never pleased with anything and it often took all day to find the perfect shot. 

“Alright everyone, we’ll go for another shot.” The director called. “Junhoe, shift your body a little to the left and cross your arms… yes, that's it.”

Meeting eyes with Junhoe over the small crowd of people around them, Jiwon stuck his tongue out when the other rolled his eyes. It was slow and tedious work but it was worth it for the fans and getting the perfect product at the end. Still, it didn’t make the director’s dramatics any less annoying after a long day posing under the hot lights.

Jiwon’s eyes widened in realisation. Dramatic! That was it. The recently debuted girl group’s song was a bop and Hanbin was bound to like it. Feeling pretty smug about finding the song, Jiwon set off to find the other man.

As Jiwon looked around for Hanbin he wondered why he hadn’t thought of the song before. The beat was great and the lyrics could easily be understood, as a couple they were very passionate about each other and the impatience in the song reminded Jiwon of the early stages of their relationship.

After searching for Hanbin in the break room and buffet area Jiwon headed into the dressing room. It only took one step into the buzzing room before Jiwon’s eyes landed on his target and what a target Hanbin was.

Jiwon swallowed as he watched Hanbin standing off to one side, pouting, as he waited for his outfit to be completed. His two stylists stood in front of him arguing over what jacket would suit the look best although, in Jiwon’s opinion, any jacket would ruin the look by covering up the absolutely stunning mesh shirt they had somehow wrangled Hanbin in to. The transparent black shirt hugged Hanbin’s chest deliciously and, despite having seen Hanbin in every stage of undress possible, it felt like Jiwon was seeing some kinky secret for the first time.

Jiwon didn’t realise he had stopped in the doorway until DongHyuk cleared his throat behind him and Jiwon stepped to the side sheepishly; his vision immediately trailing back over to Hanbin.

“Are you just going to stare all day?” DongHyuk teased as he moved to stand with Jiwon.

“I might." Jiwon smirked.

DongHyuk's eyes widened in amused horror before he shook his head, smiling.

"Whatever, man, just don't get me involved in your creepy stalker activities."

Jiwon chuckled as he watched DongHyuk walk over for a costume change of his own and turned back to look at Hanbin. Swallowing quickly, Jiwon cleared his throat, and followed DongHyuk over to join the others. If he kept looking at Hanbin he may very well end up spending the whole day staring at his boyfriend and that was definitely bordering on creepy - that shirt should really be illegal.

“Hey, Bin-a, what’s up?” Jiwon greeted casually.

“Ji Hyung.” The way Hanbin’s eyes light up as he turned to look at him made Jiwon’s heart skip a beat. “I’m… good. How are your shoots going?”

Jiwon dragged his eyes up from Hanbin’s chest and frowned at the younger man. Despite his nap in the van Hanbin still looked completely exhausted and Jiwon reached up to detangle one of his necklaces as he spoke.

“I haven't had mine yet but I just watched Junhoe making a complete ass of himself, as usual.”

“That sounds fun.” Hanbin smiled, but it didn’t completely reach his eyes.

“What have you been up to?” Jiwon asked, still running his gaze over the younger man to check for signs of stress and anxiety in his tense muscles.

“Besides being turned into a complete ass to rival Ju-ne… nothing much.”

Jiwon watched Hanbin glare down at his body and tug at the shirt he was currently wearing. Jiwon’s frown deepened, Hanbin wasn’t one to complain about what clothes he was given at a shoot; in fact, Jiwon knew Hanbin was quite proud of his body and didn't mind showing it off.

“You don’t like your outfit?” Jiwon queried.

“No, it’s fine; it’s… well…”

“Hanbin-a? You can tell me.” Jiwon pressed and looked around to see that the stylists had moved on to arguing over DongHyuk. “Have you got time before you're needed again?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Hanbin confirmed, looking at his watch. “But I need to-”

“Nope, we’re just going to take a short break and get you sorted. You need to be in the right headspace, Bin.” Jiwon scolded and he pulled Hanbin to a vacant sofa.

Hanbin allowed himself to be tugged over to the seat and all but collapsed into Jiwon’s arms as they sat together. Jiwon breathed in the subtle scent of Hanbin’s aftershave hidden under the hairspray and makeup products the man had on.

“Jiwon Hyung, I really need to be-”

“Tell me what’s going on first.” Jiwon insisted. “You said you had time.”

“It’s stupid though.”

“It’s not stupid, Bin.”

“It _is_ stupid; I know it’s stupid but I’m just too tired to deal with it properly right now.”

Jiwon rubbed his hand up and down Hanbin’s arm as he considered what to say to that. He could keep pushing and ask what was wrong at the moment; possibly solving it in the short term so Hanbin could focus on the photoshoot, or he could ask what was really going on. What had been going on for weeks. Looking at the wary and downcast look Hanbin had on his face, Jiwon decided he could deal with the most pressing problem first.

“Well, tell me anyway and I’ll see what I can do.”

“ _Itstheshirt_ …” Hanbin mumbled.

“Say that again.” Jiwon smiled patiently at Hanbin’s childishness.

“It’s the shirt, okay?”

“You don’t like the shirt? But it looks so good on you.”

“That’s the problem.” Hanbin huffed and covered his face with his hands. “It’s a woman’s shirt.”

Jiwon narrowed his eyes and surveyed the shirt again. It still made Hanbin look like sex on a stick and the shape of the clothing looked pretty androgenous to Jiwon. In fact, the flare to the hips really served to accentuate Hanbin's body.

“So? You’ve worn things like this before… what’s wrong with ladies clothes?”

“Nothing's wrong with it.” Hanbin sulked and crossed his arms; letting his head fall backwards.

“Then… why are you upset about the shirt? It really does look good on you.”

“I know it does.” Hanbin groaned. “Everyone had been complimenting me nonstop since I put it on but that’s the problem. If I fit into a woman’s shirt then I’ve really lost all my muscles and I… I- I’m worried the fans won’t like the pictures.”

Jiwon huffed out a laugh and leaned his forehead against Hanbin's but the other man pouted and shrugged him off.

“Don’t laugh, Jiwon. Just because you’re built like a tank and don’t have to put in any effort.”

“I’m not laughing at how you look, Bin, I’m laughing at how ridiculous you are. I literally got an instant boner the second I walked into the room and saw you.”

“Yeah, but you have to, you're my boyfriend. It’s only polite.”

Jiwon shook his head and pulled Hanbin closer towards himself. On the one hand, he was glad that it wasn’t anything more serious and he could imagine several ways he could prove just how handsome Hanbin was, but on the other hand, Jiwon was worried what was bothering the other enough to make the shirt an issue.

“I’ll give you that one, but even if I wasn’t your boyfriend I would still find you super hot and the fans will love you no matter what.”

“Okay.” Hanbin agreed sullenly. “I suppose it is kind of cool.”

“Exactly so enough about that before your head gets too big to fit in the photo.” Jiwon poked Hanbin’s cheek and squeezed Hanbin against himself. “Now you know you’re the sexiest person on the planet, I actually had something I wanted to show you.”

“Seriously, Hyung?” Hanbin snorted. “I’m here having a breakdown and you had an agenda the entire time. It better not be another stupid video.”

“It’s not.” Jiwon reassured as he pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It’s a song that I thought you might enjoy.”

Hanbin raised a curious eyebrow at Jiwon but accepted the earbud anyway and settled it in his ear before leaning back against Jiwon to watch him pull up the song. Without saying anything, Jiwon pressed play and listened with anticipation as the opening bars played.

Hanbin didn’t say anything either but he did reach out to take Jiwon’s phone and start looking through the group's album tracks. Counting it as a win, Jiwon bit his lip in excitement. This was it. But just as they were getting to the chorus, a loud voice cut above the clamour in the room.

“Hanbin, you’re needed on set and your manager wants to talk to you.”

Hanbin swore and scrambled up from the sofa to follow the staff that had come to collect him.

“Thanks for coming to find me, Hyung.” Hanbin smiled as he handed back the earbud. “It’s a pretty cool song.”

“No problem.” Jiwon called after Hanbin’s rapidly retreating back.

Sitting alone on the sofa, Jiwon paused the song and let his head fall into his hands with a sigh. That was a bust then.

Watching Hanbin as he was caught by the stylists on his way out and shoved into a lightweight jacket, Jiwon wondered if it was even the song that mattered anymore. Hanbin looked ready to drop as he waited for the final touches on his look; the traces of the smile vanishing as soon as he left Jiwon’s side.

It was petty to be hung up on who liked what song anyway. Hanbin clearly needed some support, and a good night's sleep, more than anything. Nodding to himself, Jiwon began to come up with a new plan and he shoved his phone away in his pocket to hurry after the exhausted leader.

* * *

Having given up on his quest to find the perfect song, Jiwon spent most of his energy buying snacks for the overworked leader or offering cuddles and massages when he could get Hanbin to finally slow down - which wasn’t often. It had been exhausting to try and keep up with everything the other man was doing, and Jiwon gained a new respect for what he really did for the group, but it was rewarding enough to see Hanbin smile at him or hear him laugh at Jiwon’s stupid jokes.

It may not have been much, and Jiwon might have been kidding himself, but it seemed as if the slump of Hanbin’s shoulders had slowly been getting less and less as the days worn on. Everyone in the group seemed to have noticed that Hanbin’s usual comeback spiral into exhaustion was manageable instead of completely disastrous. 

Jiwon had started to believe that maybe Hanbin was getting better at coping with the pressures of idol life and, as such, had given himself some time off to recharge his own batteries before getting back to work on Hanbin. When they had returned home from their schedule, Jiwon had made a beeline to his room and burrowed under the sheets to take a long awaited nap.

The nap had quickly turned into nearly a full night of sleep and when Jiwon finally woke up to darkness and street lights shining through his bedroom window it took him a little by surprise. Taking a deep breath in through his nose to wake himself up further, Jiwon reached over to check his phone and wondered why it was so dark when his alarm hadn’t gone off to wake him up for dinner yet. Seeing the time was, in fact, far closer to the morning alarm the next day than dinner time Jiwon sat up in bed and scrubbed at his face.

He had forgotten the damn alarm, no wonder it was so dark. Jiwon frowned as his stomach rumbled in discomfort at the lack of food after a long day of working. Weighing up the pros and cons of eating so late, Jiwon pulled on a hoodie and shuffled out into the kitchen to find a snack; cursing the members for not waking him up as he went. As he was making his way down the corridor he heard a bang from the entrance way followed by a series of whispered swears.

“Hyung?” Jiwon called out into the darkness; moving to the doorway to try and spot where YunHyeong was in the room.

“Jiwon? What are you doing up?” YunHyeong murmured as he came to stand in the light from the hallway.

Jiwon looked his Hyung up and down; taking in his coat and the unlaced shoes in his hand. YunHyeong was often the first of them to go to sleep, especially when he had to get up early to make breakfast for the other mans, so to see him sneaking out at the early hour was odd.

“I got hungry. What are you doing?” Jiwon raised a suspicious eyebrow.

“Bin didn’t come back.” YunHyeong shook his head sadly and checked the time on his phone. “I was about to head out and see if I could get him to come home.”

“What do you mean 'he didn't come back'? Back from where?"

"He went into the studio for a bit after you went to bed. Something about a deadline, I think."

"A deadline? What could YG possibly have him working on right now?" Jiwon frowned.

"I don't know, but you know Hanbin - always working." YunHyeong muttered as he rubbed at his eyes, clearly exhausted.

"Yeah, I know." Jiwon watched YunHyeong try to force down a yawn as he knelt down to tie his shoes and immediately came to a decision. "You go back to bed, Hyung, and I'll go get him."

"What?" YunHyeong looked up at him, clearly startled by the suggestion. "But you were so tired; I can go."

"I should have known better. Hanbin needs support right now and I should have been there. I can sleep at any time but he doesn't have the luxury right now."

"You can't run yourself into the ground trying to look after him. If you make yourself sick it will only burden him more, you know."

"I know, but the same goes for you as well." Jiwon sighed. "I've had my nap; I can go and get him."

"Jiwon-"

"Seriously, Hyung, I've got this. Besides, I need to get some food anyway and my guess is he hasn't eaten either?"

YunHyeong stared at Jiwon through the semidarkness for a while before reluctantly shaking his head. Jiwon felt a small pang of guilt in his stomach at knowing he had been absent when his boyfriend needed him most, but he quickly squashed the feeling. YunHyeong was right, he needed to rest occasionally, but it still hurt to know he had let Hanbin down.

"I'll drop by a snack bar on my way and get him something." Jiwon reassured YunHyeong and he brushed past to grab his own coat and shoes.

"Make sure he doesn't eat too much." YunHyeong cautioned, already removing his outer layers to head back to sleep. "We don't need him getting heart burn overnight."

"I will, Hyung." Jiwon smiled over his shoulder as he jammed his feet into his shoes and tucked his wallet away in a pocket. "I'll text you when I get him."

"Stay safe." YunHyeong called after him.

Jiwon waved over his shoulder before carefully closing the heavy front door and heading off towards the YG building.

The walk wasn't too long and Jiwon hurried himself through the dark streets, eager to get something warm to eat and preferably a warm boyfriend in his arms too. After a quick stop off for some ramen and snacks, Jiwon double timed it to the studios and up to the right floor.

The hallways of the place where dark once again but Jiwon didn't spare a second thought to anything other than finding Hanbin as he sped along the carpeted halls.

Finally reaching Hanbin's studio, Jiwon didn't even bother to knock as he kicked open the door. He took a deep breath, fully ready to reprimand the younger man for his foolhardiness but the room was quiet and empty.

Jiwon dumped all the food items onto the messy desk before pulling out his phone to text Hanbin and find his exact location; after a moments thought he also texted YunHyeong to see if he had any idea where the man would be. As he waited, the faint sound of music floated in through the open door and Jiwon frowned before leaving the studio to follow it.

It turned out that the music was only coming from a dance studio a few doors down from Hanbin's room and peeking through the window of the door allowed Jiwon to clearly pinpoint his boyfriend in the practice room. Shaking his head as Hanbin's stubbornness, Jiwon pushed open the door and slipped in, his arrival completely concealed by the loud music playing.

Now that he was fully in the room Jiwon could see a small group of trainees also present in the room as they danced under Hanbin's watchful eye. It suddenly clicked that Hanbin wasn't working for his own deadline, but instead helping the trainees with their monthly evaluation. Jiwon shook his head at his stupidly wonderful and selfless boyfriend.

Leaning against the wall to quietly watch, Jiwon's gaze was drawn to Hanbin as the younger man perched on a box to oversee the entire group. The focus on his face as he noticed every detail and every fault in the dance gave Hanbin a fearsome look that was similar to the intense character he played on stage.

The heated gaze was enough to shake off Jiwon's sleepiness completely; even waking up other parts of his body. It would have made the other man look completely formidable if it wasn't for the dark circles and pinched skin around his mouth; Jiwon swore to himself. Hanbin still looked like he was ready to fall over from sleep deprivation.

Reluctantly, Jiwon moved his attention to the trainees to avoid embarrassment at being caught staring and to attempt to lower his anger at Hanbin clearly pushing himself. The mans looked good as their sharp movements followed the beat of the song in a way that was unique to Hanbin's choreography but also different; clearly influenced by the trainees abilities and interests as well.

The run through quickly came to an end and Hanbin turned the music off before turning to give them criticism on the moves. Jiwon took the time to straighten up from where he had been leaning against the wall and make his way over to Hanbin.

"So this is where you disappear off to in the middle of the night. Should I be jealous?" Jiwon teased.

"Jiwon?" Hanbin nearly jumped in shock as he noticed Jiwon presence, his lazer focus finally being broken. "What are you doing here?"

Jiwon quickly greeted the bowing trainees and complimented their dance routine to put them at ease before turning back to Hanbin.

"I came to get you. You didn't come home."

"I thought you were sleeping." Hanbin replied sheepishly. "You didn't have to come all the way here for me."

"Of course I did." Jiwon tutted.

"I'm just finishing up here, really, you didn't need to come. Why didn't you just message me?"

"At this hour in the morning? I wasn't going to leave it up to chance. You need to sleep, Baby."

"Morning? But it's only-"

"3.30" Jiwon stated with a raised eyebrow, pursing his lips as he watched Hanbin's mouth open and close in shock. "AM."

"Right… yeah…"

"Come on, Bin-a." Jiwon softened slightly as he watched Hanbin deflate at the realisation.

"Yeah. They should all get back anyway." Hanbin pointed a thumb at the shuffling group of trainees.

"I agree."

It took almost no time at all to get the trainees packed up and out of the door, with the promise of more help later on, and soon enough they were alone in the room.

"You really didn't have to come, Ji." Hanbin said, as he flipped off the lights to the room and headed down the corridor to his studio.

"I really did." Jiwon argued. "Plus, I wanted to get some food."

You've got food?" Hanbin perked up at the mention of possible dinner.

"Sure do. I picked up your favourite." Jiwon smirked as he watched Hanbin nearly sprint into the room and not even sit down before he was digging into the snacks.

Taking a more leisurely pace, Jiwon sat down on the sofa before pulling a bowl of cooling ramen towards himself. Hanbin soon joined him and they sat together munching in silence.

After a few moments, Habin began to tap his fingers against his leg as he ate before finally starting to hum. It took a moment for Jiwon to recognise the song but soon enough he picked out the melody of Hanbin's silly obsession. Jiwon bit down on his chopsticks a little two hard; feeling them splinter in his mouth as he ground his teeth angrily. It had been weeks and Hanbin was still hung up on the song. What could be so special about it anyway?

When Hanbin started humming a second round of the song Jiwon finally broke. Deciding that while it really didn't matter whose choice of song Hanbin liked better, it was still okay to recommend songs with the hope of Hanbin liking them. Afterall, he had been sitting on a really good option for most of the day.

Shaking his head at himself, Jiwon watched Hanbin picking at the food tiredly as the steel grip he had on his mind loosened; giving way for the early morning fog. It was always breathtaking to see Hanbin in his softer; more relaxed moments but it was a shame the other was often too exhausted to really enjoy the easy going atmosphere.

Looking at him now, Jiwon just wanted him to laugh and smile at him again. So when he reached for his phone, it wasn't to prove his taste in music was better - okay, maybe it still was a little bit - but to give Hanbin's mood a little boost before they headed home.

"Hey Bin? Do you want to listen to some music?" Jiwon questioned between mouthfuls.

"Why not." Hanbin grunted, not even looking up from opening a new bag of snacks. "Have you heard anything good recently?"

Jiwon grinned at the familiar question as he hunted through his playlist for a good song, something upbeat and- perfect! Jiwon's smile widened and he formed a plan in his head.

"I think so." Jiwon chuckled.

Pressing the play button, Jiwon twisted in his seat and watched Hanbin pause to listen to the song before going back to eating. Jiwon felt his hopes fading a little bit but quickly shook himself out of it, everyone knew just how much Hanbin loved food so his distraction was understandable, Jiwon would just have to play a little dirty to get Hanbin's attention.

Holding the volume button down on his phone to play the music out as loud as possible, Jiwon stood up and stretched his arms above his head.

"What are you doing, Hyung?" Hanbin asked in bemusement, the food pushing out his cheek in a cute way so he could speak around the mouthful.

"Just enjoying the music." Jiwon replied with an air of aloofness.

"What are you-?"

Hanbin cut off in shock as the song reached the bridge and Jiwon, having watched the music video an unhealthy amount of times, followed the choreography perfectly. Throwing a glance over his shoulder to see Hanbin sitting frozen, with a bite of food half way to his mouth, Jiwon smiled.

Swaying his hips in an over exaggerated way, Jiwon stretched one hand above his head and strutted away to the beat. It was always a bit of fun to dance along to a girl group but the added layer of aiming to make Hanbin laugh made Jiwon more determined to do well. Whipping his head around to add to the dramatic one-eighty spin, his hand circling around with flare too, Jiwon's smile widened as he saw Hanbin fall sideways; laughing heavily.

Following along with the song for the rest of the verse, Jiwon jumped his feet out into a sumo squat and added a powerful hip thrust just to tease Hanbin a bit further; his hand positioned over his crotch. The younger man seemed to be out of his mind as he rolled on the sofa; laughing hysterically. Jiwon tried not to take it seriously, they really weren't in a relationship where sexy dances were performed often - or at all - but maybe that was something they could change?

Continuing to move along to the beat and really getting into the song, Jiwon began to sing along with the chorus.

" _Gogobebe_

_ Throw out the suit and tie _

_ Dress code: bling bling bling _

_ You and I, we mix and match _

_ Don’t avoid it, drunken drunken _

_ Gogobebe" _

Just as he was dropping down into a sensual body roll, Jiwon spotted Hanbin sneaking a video from between the cushions; a mischievous grin on his lips. Embarrassment warred with a playful anger for a moment before Jiwon was jumping on Hanbin where the younger still lay on the sofa.

"You little shit!" Jiwon yelled as Hanbin squealed beneath his tickling fingers.

"You… you start- started it!" Hanbin struggled to draw in breath as he wiggled around and wheezed.

"I was just trying to cheer you up and you betrayed me like this." Jiwon continued to dig his fingers into Hanbin's sides.

"I wasn't- you just looked so-"

"No excuses." Jiwon muttered into Hanbin's ear, pausing his tickling to breath heavily along Hanbin's neck, and the man shivered where he was pinned under Jiwon's body. "Bad mans get punished."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, yeah."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we have returned to this filth apparently. If I was surprised at writing 7k of trash in the last chapter then this 11k is just ridiculous. I'm sorry in advance.  
> And in my defense I have been heavily influenced by a couple of devils on my shoulder the last week...
> 
> A big shout out to @m00dym00nie for being my beta for this. They are awesome and you should all love them very much! They put up with my delays and crisis' like a champ so I'm extremely grateful.
> 
> As always please leave a kudo or comment if you enjoy the story. I really love to hear from you and it means a lot to get feedback on things I write. Don't be afraid.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the chapter x

Jiwon hummed and nodded his head to the song blaring in his headphones as he unlocked the door into the dorms. Having spent most of the day in talks about a few possible solo gigs coming up in the future, he was bouncing with a restless energy as he checked in the living room for the others.

The excitement at being able to bring his music to the fans again was coiled in every single tendon of his body and Jiwon desperately wanted to share the news with his boyfriend. Hanbin had always been incredibly proud of Jiwon's music and solo events - to the point Jiwon had walked in on the other man smiling dopily at the online announcements and fansite posts a few times.

It had felt weird to perform and promote as an individual instead of a member, but Hanbin's praises and joy at his success had made his worries disappear. The others had always been telling him it was okay to do his own thing but to see Hanbin's triumph smile as yet another part of iKON succeeded was the final nudge he needed.

Jiwon chuckled to himself as he ran through all the ways they might celebrate this latest news. Hanbin had been allowing Jiwon to take more control in their couplings, moving the actions into down right deviant territory, and he wondered how far his boyfriend might indulge him for the night.

Upon seeing the living room was dim and silent, Jiwon frowned. He had been hoping to catch Hanbin for a little time together, the other having stayed back for the day with a migraine, but there was no sign anything had been disturbed since he left that morning. A sinking feeling began in his chest and Jiwon made his way further into the apartment.

All thoughts of starting something more intimate fled Jiwon's mind and he peered into the rooms he passed just to make sure he didn't miss the other man sitting in the dark; the dim ambient being easier on his eyes.

Standing in the hallway to the bedrooms, Jiwon pushed his headphones down around his neck - the upbeat and bass heavy song that he had on repeat for the travel home suddenly feeling too obtrusive in the stillness - and listened for any movement. The answering silence started to raise Jiwon's heart rate and he ducked into his own room to leave his bag before heading to Hanbin's room.

When the leader's room also revealed itself to be empty, Jiwon ran a hand through his hair as he gazed around. Hanbin's things were still strewn around messily and seemed untouched apart from the unmade bed; Jiwon couldn't spot any indication of where the younger man might have gone.

A hypnotic whistling and snare burst through his headphones still hanging around his neck as the song restarted and made Jiwon jump. Pulling out his phone to turn the song off, Jiwon paused looking at the album art and smiled forlornly to himself.

The song had come on the radio that morning on the drive into YGE and Jiwon had been hooked since. Everytime he had a spare moment between meetings he had turned the song on again to feel the vibe; convincing himself it was a lucky charm of sorts for getting the tour. Jiwon had felt like he finally understood Hanbin's need to listen to the same song on an endless loop; he had been excited to share it with the other as well.

Huffing impatiently at his own foolish hope, Jiwon swiped out of the music app to find his notifications. None of the other members had been in contact with him to say something disastrous had happened so Jiwon forced himself to take a few deep breaths and wondered where he should look next.

Moving out into the hall again, Jiwon decided it was probably better to ask for forgiveness for disturbing the quiet than permission and yelled out into the eerie rooms.

"Hello? Is anyone home?" Jiwon paused to listen but got no response. " _Hello_?"

There was another beat of nothing and then.

"In here, Hyung."

Jiwon couldn't pinpoint exactly where the voice came from but he was pretty sure it belonged to Chanwoo. Following his logic, Jiwon turned and headed for the Maknae's room; striding with purpose.

When he stood in front of the door Jiwon could see it was slightly ajar and a warm glow was emanating from inside. Pushing the door slowly open, Jiwon spotted a rumpled Chanwoo moving to sit up against the headboard; a lump in the duvet beside him.

Chanwoo's hair stood up in every direction and the younger watched in disorientation as Jiwon let himself into the room. At first Jiwon felt self-conscious walking in on such an unguarded moment and opened his mouth to ask what was going on but Chanwoo beat him to it and pressed a finger against his lips in the universal sign for silence. Frowning, Jiwon moved further into the room and, as he did, caught sight of a fluffy head nestled into Chanwoo's chest as the maknae ran elegant fingers through the hair.

The relief at finally knowing his boyfriend was safe and sound, and even catching up on some sleep, lifted a stone off of Jiwon's chest and he smiled fondly. He couldn't see much of Hanbin due to how tightly he was pressed against Chanwoo but the soft brown curls and slight catch in the deep breathing were too distinctive to be anyone else. Moving around to the other side of the bed, Jiwon's smile widened at the sight.

Hanbin's hair was falling across his face and puffing up with each little breath from his pouting lips. The slow up and down of Chanwoo's chest gradually making Hanbin's head fall forwards until it was nearly slipping off and then Hanbin would jerk backward with a whine of discomfort.

Forgetting about the curious maknae watching his every move, Jiwon perched on the side of the bed and carefully brushed Hanbin's fringe away from his face; enjoying the way Hanbin pushed instinctively into the touch. Carding his fingers through the messy hair to move it back further, Jiwon leaned down to press a soft and lingering kiss against Hanbin's forehead.

"Is he alright?" Jiwon asked quietly, needing to confirm Hanbin _was_ actually fine. 

"No."

" _What_?"

Jiwon's eyes snapped away from Hanbin's sleeping face and all at once the warm glow fizzled out at the intensity of the younger man's glare. Chanwoo's eyes, which had been blurry with sleep took on a steely quality.

"I was barely able to console him."

"What? What happened?"

Jiwon's heart felt like it was about to explode as his eyes raked over Hanbin's hidden form to try and assess any damage. Nothing seemed visible but with Hanbin it was hard to tell, the man had a habit of covering things up when he considered them too _minor_ to be dealt with.

Jiwon began to fuss around as his hands hovered but refused to touch incase he made the unknown hurt worse. He shouldn't have gone in today, Hanbin has been sick and in pain; Jiwon should have stayed with him.

"Relax, Hyung." Chanwoo snorted after watching Jiwon flail around. "I'm messing with you."

"You're... what?" Jiwon asked in a daze.

"He's fine. He woke up feeling bad and wanted some attention."

"So... he's okay?"

"Yeah, unlike you."

"Me?"

"Yeah. _Whipped_." Chanwoo gave an over exaggerated cough into his hand before turning back to grin at Jiwon.

"I'm going to kill you."

Jiwon lunged over to slap Chanwoo's head but the sudden dip in the bed jolted the bundle between then and Hanbin groaned as he was violent roused from sleep. Pulling back sheepishly, Jiwon tried not to smile like a fool as he watched Hanbin slowly blinking awake and nuzzling his face against Chanwoo's chest.

"Ji?" Hanbin finally mumbled out, his voice hoarse and cracking.

"Yeah, I'm here Baby."

Hanbin sighed and settled back down onto Chanwoo's chest; a hand slapping out to search for Jiwon in the empty space. Jiwon chuckled and shifted closer so Hanbin's hand could connect with his own. The other man hummed low in his throat and pulled their joined hands up to his face; dropping a light kiss there before seemingly drifting off again.

Jiwon watched him again and was beginning to get lost in the soft curve of Hanbin's neck, when a snort sounded from next to him. Jiwon's eyes fluttered in annoyance at not having Hanbin to himself to just enjoy the atmosphere. Slowly turning to glare at the maknae, Jiwon dragged a finger across his throat. Chanwoo simply laughed at the action and stuck his tongue out mischievously.

"You might as well make yourself comfortable, Hyung. He won't let you go now; I've been stuck here since lunch time."

Jiwon rolled his eyes at the statement but leaned down to slide his socks off so he could get settled on the bed with the others. The plastic clacking of his headphones as he moved seemed obnoxiously loud in the drowsy room and Jiwon cringed with each loud noise.

After struggling for a few minutes, Jiwon gave up and tugged the headphones off from around his neck; slapping himself in the face with the ear piece as he attempted the action one handed. Chanwoo chuckled but the sound was deep and languid as the maknae followed Hanbin back into sleep.

Quickly wrapping the wire around his phone Jiwon chucked both items, the phone and his headphones, somewhere on the bed and twisted his body so he could lie beside Hanbin. The other man was completely lost to the world again as he clung to Jiwon; soft breaths tickling over the skin on the back of their conjoined hands.

Leaning back against the fluffy pillows, Jiwon allowed the steady breathing of the others to lull him into a light doze. The quiet room and soft sheets helped Jiwon to clear his mind of the tension from the day as he enjoyed the warmth of spending time with his members.

Despite how comfortable he was letting the evening slip past him in such as way, Jiwon began to feel a chill as he lay on top of the sheets. Trying to jostle the others as little as possible, Jiwon lifted his hips to try and work his way under the covers - if he was going to be stuck there he might as well be happy.

Jiwon worked one leg under the duvet easily enough but found the material was tangled in something as he attempted to maneuver fully. Giving the edge a slight tug made no difference; so Jiwon grit his teeth and gave the cover a sharp tug.

The moment he did so, Jiwon knew he had made a grave mistake as loud music thundered through the room; making everyone jump. Hanbin shot up from where he had been resting peacefully and Jiwon gulped, he looked pissed.

"What the _fuck_ is going on?"

"I'm sorry." Jiwon blustered as he lunged forward to turn the song off. "It was an accident; I was-"

"I'm not dealing with this shit. My head fucking hurts, you dick." Hanbin growled. "Get out."

"But, Bin, I-"

"No. Get out." 

Hanbin didn't even give Jiwon a chance to defend himself again before he had bend his leg back to deliver a hard kick that sent Jiwon tumbling from the bed.

Jiwon sat on the floor, his side and arm throbbing for the hard landing, and started up in utter confusion at his boyfriend. As he watched Hanbin screwed his face up in a pained expression, rubbing at his forehead aggressively, Jiwon could hear Chanwoo start to snigger.

"You too!" Hanbin snapped around to hit the Maknae's shoulder. "Get the fuck out."

Both men froze and started at Hanbin as the absurd words wove themselves through the air. Jiwon's eyes widened and he couldn't help but feel bad for causing Hanbin more grief when the other man had been relaxed moments before.

"You can't be serious, Hyung?" Chanwoo appealed.

" **Out!** " Hanbin shouted; flinging a pillow down at Jiwon's face in his anger.

Jiwon didn't wait to be told another time and he scrambled to the door, grabbing the still blaring phone on his way, Chanwoo hot on his heels. Chanwoo slammed the door after himself and they both stood panting in the hallway for a few seconds.

"What just happened?" Jiwon stared at the closed door in bewilderment.

"I don't know." Chanwoo huffed. "But you owe me, I just got kicked out of my _own_ damn room."

Jiwon's gaze followed Chanwoo's retreating back down the hallway as the younger man stomped away and let himself sink down against the wall. He'd really messed up now; Hanbin was definitely mad at him this time and Jiwon knew exactly why.

Dropping his head into his hands, Jiwon sighed deeply. Maybe now would be the time to employ his tactic of bribing Hanbin with a good song? Maybe this time he could make it up to the other - which he desperately needed to do - and finally put his stupid need for Hanbin to like his songs to rest.

* * *

Jiwon's leg bounced up and down with nervous energy as he sat outside the boardroom waiting for Hanbin to finish with the meeting. The members had all been called in last minute to discuss details about an upcoming appearance and Hanbin had stayed behind a little longer at the manager’s request.

As the group had all been kept in the dark about what exactly the leader needed to talk to the higher ups about, Jiwon had asked JinHwan to get some snacks while he remained behind to catch Hanbin if he finished earlier than expected. However, nearly an hour later, Jiwon was still waiting on the seats in the hallway; Jinhwan having come back and gone again already. Glancing at the packages resting beside him Jiwon hoped it would be enough to take a little stress off.

Hanbin had remained cold and distant since the napping incident and, while Jiwon knew it wasn’t fully his fault - the pressure of deadlines making Hanbin snappy and irritable, it troubled him that the other had cut himself off from the other members as well. Hanbin had sat in the meeting, grim faced and exhausted, without so much as a blink of surprise when the schedule changes were announced and it was worrying to see him so shut down.

Standing up to stretch his legs, Jiwon walked up and down the corridor a few times before leaning against the wall opposite the meeting room door and pulling out his phone. It was once again open on his music player with a new song queued up and ready to go. Jiwon just hoped it wouldn’t be put down as another annoyance by his stressed out boyfriend.

The last attempt Jiwon had made at actively showing Hanbin a song had been well received but, then again, Hanbin hadn’t been mad at him at the time. They had both been so busy recently and, with Hanbin’s new enforced isolation, it meant that the time they spent together had been seriously thin on the ground. Jiwon missed Hanbin, he really _missed_ him, and had resolved himself to work his way into Hanbin’s good books in anyway necessary - hence, a last ditch attempt at finding a song.

Having decided if he couldn’t beat Hanbin’s current obsession he might as well join it, the newest entry was an english song. It was mellow and rhythmic, almost relaxing, but still interesting enough that Hanbin might be captured by it. Sighing, Jiwon tucked his phone away and propped a foot up against the wall to settle in for the wait.

As the clock loudly ticked away, Jiwon began tapping restlessly. He was about to make another few laps of the hallway when the door opened and Hanbin backed out; bowing deeply to the seniors still crowded around the table. Straightening up, Jiwon took a few expectant steps forward to greet Hanbin. He had just opened his mouth when Hanbin fell like a dead weight to the ground, crouching and clutching at his hair, not even bothering to move away from the door as it slammed in his face.

“Bin?” Jiwon called out in concern, moving forward to rest his hand on Hanbin’s back.

Hanbin jumped at the touch and his head snapped around. For one breathless moment, Jiwon was struck by how drained and tense Hanbin looked before the careful blankness wiped away the awful expression.

“Jiwon? What are you still doing here?”

“Waiting for you. You okay, man?”

Instead of answering Hanbin pressed his fingers to his eyes for a few moments then slowly unfolded from his crouch and stood up. Jiwon imagined he could almost hear the creaking and grinding as Hanbin forced his overworked body into an upright position but he definitely heard a sharp intake of breath when Hanbin straightened his shoulders.

“Hanbin-”

“You shouldn’t have waited.” Hanbin scolded.

“I know.” Jiwon shrugged and pushed aside the hurt at Hanbin’s curt words. “But I’ve got snacks and time; so if you’re free…?”

“I’m not.”

Hanbin threw one last glance at the boardroom door before striding off down the hallway. Jiwon hurried to catch up, stopping by the sofa to grab their snacks, before falling into pace with the other man. Hanbin didn’t even spare him a sideways glance as they sped through the corridors but with each turn the leader’s shoulders seemed to grow less tense. 

When they reached Hanbin’s studio Jiwon paused, he hadn’t actually been given the all clear to stay with the other but, after pushing his way in, Hanbin had left the door open and Jiwon took it as an invitation. Closing the door behind himself, Jiwon dumped the food on the table and tried to act casually; giving Hanbin space for a while.

“Jinani got all of your favourite snacks. Well, not exactly, he got what he could from the vending machine.” Jiwon chuckled but when there was no response he cleared his throat awkwardly. “Do you want something to eat? Or are you not feeling well?”

Hanbin grunted but didn’t move from where he sat, head resting in his hands, looking completely defeated. Jiwon felt hopeless and tried to ignore the tightness of his throat so his own distress wouldn’t be broadcast to the other, that would be the last thing Hanbin needed.

“If you don’t want anything I have a song I found. It’s pretty cool so maybe we could give it a listen?”

Once again Hanbin didn’t seem to even register the question and Jiwon tugged his phone out to show Hanbin the album art; holding the screen out towards the other man.

“At least give it a look.” Jiwon coxed gently.

Sighing, Hanbin looked up from between his fingers and glanced at the phone before turning to Jiwon incredulously. Jiwon faltered when he finally got a good look at the other, Hanbin’s eyes were covered by a sheen of liquid and his nose flared in time with his clenching jaw, desperately trying to hold in the tears. Jiwon didn’t know how to react so he forced an encouraging smile and mimed pressing play followed by a thumbs up. Hanbin’s face didn’t even change at Jiwon’s goofy behaviour and he twisted his chair around without another word.

“Would you like something to drink then?” Jiwon gave one last push to try and get Hanbin to talk to him but was once again met with silence.

Walking over to where Hanbin was hunched in his chair, Jiwon squatted down between his boyfriend's legs. He reached out to try and peel Hanbin’s hand away from his face so they could talk properly and hopefully solve what was bothering the leader.

The slap that followed wasn't actually that hard, and it only hit the side of Jiwon's hands, but the sound of it echoed around the small room. Hanbin's heavy breathing began to speed up and Jiwon could only stare dumbly at his stinging fingers as he flexed them.

"Just fuck off!" Hanbin shot to his feet; causing Jiwon to tumble backwards onto the floor as he clutched at his hands.

"Bin, I'm just trying to help; you-"

"I didn't ask for your help." Hanbin screamed over Jiwon and kicked the wheeled chair away from him; upending it with a crash. "I don't need your help. I'm not a helpless idiot."

"I know that."

"Do you? It seems like you are either treating me like a baby or trying to shove a new song down my throat. What do you _want_ ? Do you want me to write faster? Do you think I should write _better_?"

"That's not what I'm doing."

"Then what do you _want_ , Jiwon? Tell me, please."

"I just want to see my boyfriend happy."

"Then leave me alone. I don't need you constantly hovering over me all the time."

"I'm not going to do that, Bin." Jiwon could feel his agitation rising and tried to keep the edge out of his voice but the flare in Hanbin's eyes told him it had been clearly received.

"Don't tell me what to do. I'm the leader of this team and I am perfectly capable of taking care of things."

"What about taking care of yourself?"

"Don't twist this, Jiwon." Hanbin spat.

Jiwon forced himself to his feet and watched Hanbin stalk up and down the room in the darkness. The jerky breaths the rapper let out where beginning to concern Jiwon and he knew Hanbin needed to calm down.

"I'm not trying too. I just want you to know I'm here for you; we all are."

"I'm not weak."

"No, Bin, you are so incredibly strong."

Hanbin paused and slowly turned to face Jiwon. The shine of his eyes catching what little light there was in the room and causing Jiwon heart to skip a beat as he saw the agony in the bright pools.

However, just as soon as the startled look appeared on Hanbin's face it was gone again. Jiwon watched as a coldness shuttered down over Hanbin's face and his teeth set.

"I don't need your fucking pity."

"No one pities you, Bin." Jiwon spoke deliberately and slowly as he held his hands up to approach.

"Stop lying to me!" Hanbin roared and lunged at Jiwon.

Seeing the movement from a mile off, Jiwon gripped both of Hanbin's outstretched hands and help them up; stopping the other's forward momentum. Hanbin struggled against the hold and tried to pull away but Jiwon tightened his grip, not caring if he hurt Hanbin's wrists as he out all his focus on Hanbin's panicked breathing.

"Bin, you need to calm down."

"Get off me." Hanbin gasped as he continued to pull weakly at the hold.

"Just take a breath for me and then I will."

"Fuck… fuck y-you."

The breathlessness of Hanbin's voice spurred Jiwon into action and he twisted the other man around, never once letting go of him, so he was nestled in his arms; Hanbin's squirming back pressed to Jiwon's chest. Jiwon crossed his arms over Hanbin's shoulders, keeping the rapper's arms pinned to stop the younger scratching or pulling out hair, before tugging him down to the floor. Jiwon leaned back against the wall and just held on as Hanbin continued to struggle.

"Hanbin, I need you to focus for me Baby. Focus on my voice and my heart beat."

"Leave me alone." Hanbin choked out and continued to try and pull away.

"You need to calm down, baby, I know it feels shit but it _will_ end and you'll be okay. You're safe."

"Stop touching me."

"I will, when you calm down. Just focus on my heart beat and try and breath for me."

As they sat together Hanbin's struggles began to lessen but his breathing stayed worryingly out of control and when he started shaking violently, Jiwon tried not to cry in response.

"Stop- stop touching m-me." Hanbin moaned. "Please, _please_ , please stop touching me. Please stop-"

"I can't, baby, I need you to breathe for me."

"Please, I can't- stop touching me. I'll do anything, anything. Please stop. Just please stop. Please, please, please-"

"Shush, Baby, I've got."

Jiwon tried to recline a little so Hanbin would be leaning back against his chest, hopefully allowing the other to get more air into his lungs, but Hanbin breaths were deteriorating into sobs.

Sobs that wracked Hanbin's whole body and tore from his throat. Sometimes they ended on a grating moan while other times they petered out into a horrible silence. A silence that bit into Jiwon's heart as he waited for a strangled gulp that would set Hanbin off again.

It seemed to last for hours as Jiwon clung to Hanbin's back; burying his head into the other's shoulder so that any tears that escaped would go unnoticed.

“Please stop touching me.” Hanbin whimpered and pushed his forearms against Jiwon’s restraining grip. “Please-”

“I’m sorry, Bin-a, I’m so damn sorry.”

“STOP TOUCHING ME!”

Jiwon clutched Hanbin to his chest in desperation and silently prayed as he listened to the raw agony finally breaking free of the other’s shaking body. Hanbin’s shouts and screams were so broken; so scratched that Jiwon couldn’t hold back his own tears as the mantra rang in his ears. He had no idea if what he was doing was right anymore; he was scared that he was making it worse and that this time Hanbin wouldn’t recover. The shaking of Hanbin’s limbs and the sound of heaving breaths overtook Jiwon’s mind and the fear that Hanbin could actually hurt himself thrummed through him.

Finally, the shrieking died down and Hanbin collapsed into Jiwon’s arms. He was still shaking and muttering his pleas to be let go but his hands were now clenched around Jiwon’s wrists. Relaxing his arms, Jiwon rearranged Hanbin so he was sitting sideways in his lap and Hanbin immediately pressed his face into Jiwon’s neck. His hand dropped to his stomach and he finally began an action that Jiwon recognised as one of the techniques they had all been shown in case they needed to calm down.

Jiwon was under no illusion that he was the reason Hanbin had calmed down, the man was clearly exhausted and his splintered voice was probably the only reason the shouts had ended. Tears were still streaming down Hanbin’s face where it was pressed into Jiwon’s skin and each trail of wetness that ran into the hollow of Jiwon’s collarbone caused a spike of regret and sadness.

Not knowing what else to say or do as Hanbin lay limply against him, Jiwon reached up a shaking hand to run it through Hanbin’s hair. Hanbin didn’t respond, continuing to sniffle to himself, but the tightness in Jiwon’s chest eased slightly as the younger man didn’t try to push him away. Swallowing past his guilt Jiwon started gently scratching at Hanbin’s scalp and rocked them both slowly.

Jiwon didn’t know how long he sat on the floor; holding Hanbin against his chest - right next to his aching heart- but he knew he would do it all over again for his Hanbin. No matter how long it took or how much work had to be done, Jiwon knew he could never leave; would never _want_ to leave.

Gathering Hanbin even closer, Jiwon pressed a firm kiss to his forehead and just left his lips there, resting on the heated skin. The unfairness of it all made Jiwon want to scream just as loud and long as Hanbin had done but he knew the other needed him strong and calm.

Letting his head fall to the side so he could rest his cheek on top of Hanbin’s head, Jiwon sighed and began to rub his hand up and down Hanbin’s back. They would need to talk about it but, for now, Jiwon held Hanbin close as the man cried himself out on the floor of his studio.

* * *

A few days passed without any time for the depth of conversation Jiwon knew they needed and by the end of the week, while the others weren’t explicitly told, everyone had worked out something was wrong. The tension in the dorm and practise room had been so sharp that Jiwon felt as if his skin and mind had been scratched down to the nerves.

He was stressed, Hanbin was stressed; they were all fucking _stressed_ but Jiwon knew he had to bide his time. The topic was bound to cause Hanbin discomfort and the man had been so worn out and distracted that Jiwon had let him be; instead spending the long evenings watching mindless movies and cuddling together.

It was only when the weekend arrived that Jiwon had realised what had been happening. Hanbin, the master of burying his head in the sand and emotional manipulation, had been slowly sowing the seeds to make Jiwon forget about the need to talk. Once upon a time, Jiwon might have let Hanbin push it aside and let the other deal with it on his own; only offering help and guidance if he was asked but the memory of Hanbin crumpled onto the floor haunted the corners of his mind until he couldn’t let it go.

Jiwon had spent most of the morning laid out on the sofa and playing a ridiculously addicting game on his phone when JinHwan had entered with a determined air about him. Most of the weekend had passed in much the same way, a languid drag of nothingness, so when the eldest marched into the room Jiwon sat up to take notice.

“We’re all going out for dinner.”

Jiwon blinked up at Jinhwan for a few moments and considered the statement before nodding and climbing to his feet.

“Give me a second to get my coat and-”

“No, not you.” Jinhwan frowned and tugged his coat further around himself. “You’re staying here and doing whatever you need to so you can fix Bin.”

“What? What can I do to-?”

“Don’t play innocent with me.”

“I really don’t-”

“Would you rather Ju-ne stayed behind to butt fuck your boyfriend and snuggle with him all night?” 

“What the fuck, Hyung?” Jiwon craned his neck over the sofa to see a horrified Junhoe standing in the doorway trying to wrestle into his coat. “Don’t be gross.”

“I didn’t mean you would actually-” Jinhwan began to protest but YunHyeong quickly appeared in the doorway to grab the eldest man by the shoulders and steered him out of the room; calling back to Jiwon as they headed for the door.

“We’ll just be going now, Jiwon-a, see you later.”

Jiwon shared a look with Junhoe feeling utterly defeated by Jinhwan’s usual hurricane approach at repairing the mood of their leader. Junhoe smiled and shook his head; waving his hand slight before heading out the door. Continuing to stare after Junhoe, and into the darkness of the hall, Jiwon tried to form a plan of how to deal with his boyfriend since he now had a deadline.

There was a shuffling and yelling as the last two members were rounded up and herded out of the door. Chanwoo called out one last farewell before the front door was slamming shut and the dorm was plunged into silence.

Letting his head fall back against the sofa headrest, Jiwon pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a deep sigh. The music from his phone’s game played lightly into the room and Jiwon almost wanted to go back to it, he hated to admit it but he was scared to see Hanbin in such a state again. The breakdown had been hard and messy and Jiwon still felt nauseated imagining the feel of Hanbin’s trembling body in his arms.

Just as he was about to heave himself to his feet a door further into the dorm opened and closed; followed by the soft padding of feet out into the living room.

“Did the others go out?”

Jiwon turned at the sound of Hanbin’s soft question and had to fight back a smile. Hanbin was standing just inside the doorway, gently haloed by the soft light and wrapped tightly in a blanket. The rapper’s hair stood up in crazy directions as Hanbin rubbed exhaustion from his blurry eyes and Jiwon found his gaze tracking the tiny fist’s movement.

“Yeah. They just headed out for dinner.” Hanbin hummed and nodded in response but otherwise didn’t move other than a subtly sway on his feet. “You sleepy?”

“‘m okay.” Hanbin murmured. “I got thirsty.”

“Go lie down again; I’ll get you something. What do you want?” Jiwon asked, already climbing to his feet to make his way to the kitchen.

“You. In bed. With me.”

Jiwon snorted and turned back to Hanbin; seeing the man was nearly falling asleep where he stood. Hanbin’s eyes drooped down and his head tilted to the side slightly as if the weight of it was too much to hold up; Jiwon didn’t doubt that it was at times, with how much Hanbin had to deal with on a regular basis.

“Alright Casanova. How about I make you some tea instead?”

“Tea’s good,” Hanbin slurred. “But Ji-hyung is better.”

“Go back to bed and I’ll join you in a moment.”

Hanbin made a small noise of agreement in his throat before disappearing back through the door. Jiwon smiled fondly and took a moment to watch Hanbin shuffle down the corridor and into his room; a warmth bloomed in his chest at the sight.

Quickly making Hanbin his drink and then one for himself, Jiwon headed to the other’s room. He expected it to be dark and quiet with Hanbin asleep on the bed but instead he was greeted by the soft glow of the bedside light and the quiet notes of music playing.

“I thought you were sleepy.”

“I said I was okay. I've been sleeping all day.” Hanbin quipped and made grabby hands for the hot mugs Jiwon carried. “What took you so long?”

“I had to wait for the cyanide pills to dissolve into the tea.” Jiwon replied simply, handing over one of the cups and sipping from his own.

Hanbin stuck his tongue out before taking a large gulp of tea and settling back into the sheets. Jiwon watched Hanbin, fully aware of the dopey smile spreading across his face, and tried to commit the image of his boyfriend snuggling under the blanket to memory.

“Are you going to stand there like a creepy stalker all night?” Hanbin huffed.

“Brat.” Jiwon teased but he could feel his face flush, the last time he had been called such rising to his mind and, in turn, the sinful mesh shirt Hanbin had been wearing at the time.

Damn DongHyuk.

Jiwon took a deep breath to push aside the sudden wave of heat that flushed his body and climbed into the warm bed. Hanbin held the duvet aside and then snuggled into Jiwon’s side so he could rest his cheek on Jiwon’s chest. They sat together just drinking in each others company and occasionally the herbal drink Jiwon had made, the atmosphere felt comfortable and safe and relaxed in a way it hadn’t for too long.

Hanbin was also calm and pliant against his side and Jiwon mentally cursed out the others for choosing tonight to be the night he needed to talk to Hanbin; ruining the nice feel. Just as Jiwon was about to open his mouth and broach the conversation the song playing in the background caught his attention.

He shouldn’t have let it distract him but Jiwon was really dreading having the talk and he decided it could wait a little bit longer. Chuckling to himself, Jiwon nudged Hanbin’s head with his shoulder and made the other groan in annoyance.

“So you were listening then?”

“What?”

“The songs I showed you. You liked them?”

Hanbin froze for a moment and Jiwon could see the realisation dawn on the other man before he lunged forward to fumble for his phone. Jiwon was faster and managed to loop his arms around Hanbin’s waist; holding him just out of reach of the device. Now that he was listening Jiwon could clearly hear the song and it made him grin from ear to ear that Hanbin had added a recommendation of his to a playlist.

“You have good taste.” Hanbin admitted with a shrug, leaning back into Jiwon’s arms. “Sometimes.”

“But you liked this one?”

“Yeah…” Hanbin gave Jiwon a funny look and tilted his head. “Why are you weirdly excited?”

“No reason. I’m just glad you-” As Jiwon spoke the song ended and yet another started, another that he had brought to the other in his attempts to coax Hanbin away from his obsession. “Really, Bin-a?”

Hanbin recognised the song, and where it had come from, seconds later and lunged forward again. There wasn’t really any point in trying to hide it now but Jiwon continued to play fight with the other man until he finally wriggled free. Kneeling on the bed triumphantly, Hanbin skipped to another song and then quickly onto another and then another; his face growing redder with each song.

Each and every song that started had been one from the collection Jiwon had gathered and played for him. Jiwon could feel his heart trying to beat out of his chest as pride and happiness made it swell until it felt like it was sitting in his throat.

“You have all of them?”

“Shut up.” Hanbin grumbled and quickly turned the music off.

Jiwon sat up on his heels and reached out to hold Hanbin’s hands in his own. Ducking his head down to catch the blushing man’s gaze, Jiwon smiled even wider before biting his bottom lip to try and contain it slightly. Hanbin’s pathetic glare only made his heart ache for the other more as he pulled him back down to the sheets so they could settle back into the same position, Hanbin tucked under Jiwon’s arm and resting on his chest.

“I thought you hadn’t noticed.” Jiwon spoke absentmindedly as he traced patterns onto the smaller man’s back.

“Why would you think that?”

“You were either falling asleep, actually asleep, or so stressed I thought you might explode. I just didn’t expect you to even remember.”

“Idiot.” Hanbin tutted and he twisted so his was lying on top of Jiwon; reaching out a hand to cup his cheek. “Of course I noticed. Your stupid songs were the only thing keeping me going. It made me feel- I liked it, your silly little excuses to see me.”

“I never need an excuse to see you, Bin-a. I want to be with you all the time, see you smiling and happy, I never want to be without you.”

“I love you.” Hanbin whispered, running his thumb along Jiwon’s cheek.

“I love you too, baby.”

When Hanbin finally leaned in to connect their lips, Jiwon let out a sigh of contentment and easily lost himself in the feeling of Hanbin’s lips. They explored each other’s mouths and tangled their tongues together in a reaffirmation, so much more than any words, that was bursting with a profound emotion.

Pulling away, Jiwon remained focused on Hanbin’s perfect features as the other man sighed and smiled down to one side self consciously. They didn’t often slow down and just enjoy each other in such a way but the sweetness still curling in Jiwon’s chest made him hope it was something they could do more of in the future; for as long as possible.

“What made you think of it? The songs I mean?” Hanbin questioned wistfully.

“I umm… well-” Jiwon found his own face flushing at the question and he floundered at how to explain his petty jealousy.

“Okay, I definitely want to hear this.” Hanbin teased and rested his chin on his crossed hands; waiting patiently.

“It’s stupid…” Jiwon spoke reluctantly.

“Shocker.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll tell you; just don’t laugh.” Hanbin nodded in response but a small smile was already playing on his lips. “I was trying to replace you current favourite song because it annoyed me that I hadn’t introduced you to it.”

“My favourite song?”

“Yeah. The english song that you asked about in the studio a while back and then started playing everywhere.”

“Oh…” Hanbin frowned in confusion for a few moments before his eyes widened and he laughed, sliding off of Jiwon’s body as he threw his head back. “Oh! Kim Jiwon, you are an idiot.”

“I told you not to laugh.”

“I know but- I guess I never told you why I liked the song so much, huh?”

“No.” Jiwon sulked, he didn’t really want to hear about what had drawn Hanbin to the other song; his pettiness rising once again.

“I liked it because I had been driving myself crazy for weeks trying to find a song that explained how I felt when I was with you. I was about to give up and then I went to see you and it all fell into place.”

“What?”

“I fell in love with the song because I was already in love with you, dummy; with the way you make me feel.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.” Hanbin nodded and moved to lie beside Jiwon once again. “I don’t care that your brother was the reason you had it on, to me it will always be our song.”

"When did you get so sappy?" Jiwon teased, unsure how to respond to such a statement so he fell back on to making a joke.

"You're impossible. If you're going to make fun of my music and my reasons why don't you put something on instead?"

"Maybe I will."

"Then do it."

"Fine." Jiwon pulled his phone out from his pocket and began to scroll through his music playlist.

"Fine." Hanbin parroted back childishly but he remained pressed against Jiwon's side as he waited.

Jiwon picked some easy listening to go in the background and dropped his phone onto the bedside table. After a moment of intense listening Hanbin nodded and then settled down again; picking up his drink to continue sipping the tea as they lay together.

"Hey Bin?" Jiwon started casually but he could see Hanbin's hands tighten on his cup.

"Yeah?"

"I think we've got to talk about what happened."

"Yeah."

Jiwon waited a few beats as Hanbin took a deep gulp of tea and composed himself. He didn't want to rush or force Hanbin into telling him anything but it was clear Hanbin needed some support. When Hanbin still seemed to be mulling it over a minute later, Jiwon tightened his embrace and decided to get the ball rolling.

"Was it something in the meeting or was it just... everything?"

"Honestly… it's been bad for a while." Hanbin sighed. "I think I could have coped with everything one at a time but… it all happened at once, and there was just me to deal with it, and the company wanted answers to everything. I just couldn't- I couldn't-"

“I get it, Bin, I get it.” Jiwon linked his fingers with Hanbin’s and this time the other man gripped back tightly.

“I don’t know what they want from me. What more can I give them? Why is it never enough?”

“It’ll never _be_ enough but it’s got nothing to do with you, it’s the company and this industry. You could burn yourself out completely and some idiot sitting in a big chair would still tell you to give more.”

“I know that, I just...”

“Just what?”

“Just that I… I want to make everyone proud. I want to cover our asses so no one can point at us and call us… failures again. I’m your leader; it's the least I can do.”

“Exactly, you _are_ our leader.” Jiwon nodded sagely and continued rubbing his thumb over Hanbin’s fingers. “You’re the leader of our team and, as a team, we look after each other. So you don’t have to go through this alone. If it’s getting too much, or you just need a break, you can tell us; it doesn’t make you weak or a failure.”

“I know.”

“You may know that Bin-a but I need you to act on it. You can’t go through that again, you just can’t… I can't."

“I know that, I _do_ , I just get lost in my head and it all slips through my fingers.”

“I’ll never let you get lost.” Jiwon promised firmly. “I’m here for you whatever; whenever.”

Hanbin smiled and tipped his head back with his lips pouting in demand for a kiss, his fluffy hair tickling Jiwon’s cheek as he moved. Jiwon gave in easily and pressed a quick peck on Hanbin’s mouth before both men settled back down into the bed clothes.

Jiwon had been so lost in his own thoughts, and the slow rhythm of drinking and swallowing his tea, that he didn’t keep track of his surroundings. The first notice he had that something had changed was Hanbin’s head snapping up from his chest and turning to the bedside table. Jiwon’s entire body lurched in surprise as he had been sure Hanbin’s breathing was leveling out into sleep.

“What?! What’s going on?”

“Isn’t that you singing?”

“What?” Jiwon asked incredulously.

Hanbin didn’t respond but instead crawled over Jiwon’s body, so he ended up lying across Jiwon’s lap, and reached for Jiwon’s phone. The device was still playing songs quietly into the room and Jiwon focused back in from his muddy thoughts to try and recognise what was playing.

As soon as he tuned in the slow chords of the acoustic guitar falling from the speakers, slightly static from the low quality, reached his ears and the meaning of what was playing slammed into him. Jiwon’s face exploded with heat as he listened to himself badly attempting to sing the song in its original language - and failing miserably - and then flushed even further as he realised it was _Hanbin_ , his boyfriend who he was hopelessly in love with, that had found it.

The song was innocent enough; he could easily pass it off as a harmless project and Jiwon was pretty sure Hanbin’s spanish was rudimentary at best so he wouldn’t guess on his own, however, Jiwon was still nearly shaking with nerves as the song continued to play.

Not only was Hanbin the intended recipient of the song, he was incredibly gifted when it came to music and - while Jiwon usually took great pride in acknowledging that fact - it scared him beyond belief what Hanbin would say. It was always hard to present his own songs to Hanbin and, when it was his very heart laid out in the lyrics, Jiwon could barely breathe.

“It is you.” Hanbin announced happily, having turned the screen on to display the audio file playing. “When did you record this?”

“I don’t really remember; I was just playing about.”

“You could release this, for real.” Hanbin mused, putting the song back to the beginning and listening even more intently. “What language is it?”

“Spanish.” Jiwon gulped back his panic as Hanbin hummed along to the sliding notes of the bridge. The slight catch and nasaliness that was so mesmerising in Hanbin’s voice complimenting the song and Jiwon’s own vocals perfectly; it made him want to re-record it as a duet but Jiwon quickly shoved _that_ thought back down. Even having the song on his phone was embarrassing enough.

“You pull it off.” Hanbin smiled and then the expression froze on his face. “Amor?”

“Umm… what?” Jiwon wanted to slam his head against a wall for sounding so much like a broken record player.

“Amor, it means ‘love’ doesn’t it? You recording love songs for someone?”

“I- no, well that’s- I mean… yes.”

“You know…” Hanbin spoke slowly, walking his fingers up Jiwon’s stomach and chest before letting his fingers rest against Jiwon’s lips. “If you had played this one first, I think we could have avoided a lot of trivial jealousy on your part and, maybe…”

“Maybe what?” Jiwon found himself asking without even realising he had opened his mouth; his mind lost completely under Hanbin’s control.

“Maybe you could have tried out your new language skills out on me.”

Jiwon stared at Hanbin; taking in his words and the look of desire on his face as he looked up at him and Jiwon couldn’t hold back. Flipping them so he was resting on his hands above Hanbin, he leaned down to smash their lips together. Hanbin moaned into the kiss and his hands came up to clutch at the back of Jiwon’s shirt.

Threading his fingers through Hanbin’s hair, Jiwon pulled the other man’s head back so he could suck dark and claiming hickies on to his neck. Hanbin keened and arched up into him as he did so; driving Jiwon even more wild as he pinned the slim man to the mattress.

Jiwon slid down Hanbin’s body, wasting no time in yanking down his loose sleep pants, and settled between his spread legs. Once comfy, Jiwon smoothed his hands along Hanbin’s strong thighs and up under his shirt. Hanbin sat up and removed the garment quickly; leaning in for a quick kiss before he was reclining back against the pillows again.

Hanbin was already getting hard and his dick twitched slightly as Jiwon blew cold air teasingly along its length. Taking his time to just breathe in the scent and heat of Hanbin around him; feeling Hanbin’s quivering legs react to every featherweight touch of his fingers.

“Jiwon- please…” Hanbin begged from above him and Jiwon wasted no more time teasing.

Taking Hanbin straight down to the root, Jiwon swallowed tightly around his length; enjoying the way Hanbin’s legs bent and his strangled cry at the sudden action. Slowly pulling off, swirling his tongue and applying a gentle suction, Jiwon swapped his mouth for his hand and deliberately began to pump.

Trailing delicate kisses down the length of Hanbin’s dick Jiwon reached his balls and mouthed at them teasingly. He continued to work Hanbin with his strong grip; occasionally adding a twist at the head or pressing his thumb into the thick vien. Hanbin had quickly devolved into a moaning mess and he feet flexed beside Jiwon’s head from the strain of staying still.

Not wanting to draw anything out or push any limits, Jiwon moved back up to Hanbin’s length and took him back into his mouth. A goal beginning to form in his mind and that was solely to please the man in front of him. Hanbin whined as Jiwon licked a broad stripe up his cock before swallowing the head and moving slowly up and down.

Jiwon trailed his hands up Hanbin’s sides, stopping to pinch and roll his nipples. One then stayed on Hanbin’s chest, grabbing handfuls of the muscle before releasing and dragging his nails along the skin, while the other moved to wrap around Hanbin’s neck. Jiwon squeezed gently, just the once, and drew a deep moan from the rapper but loosened his grip quickly and moved back down to torment Hanbin’s nipples again.

“So good.” Hanbin gasped, his own hands tangling in Jiwon’s hair. “Feels so good, Jiwon.”

Jiwon smirked around Hanbin’s length and deepthroated him once again just to feel the other squirm. Hanbin pressed up into him with a shout and he raised one leg out to the side, opening himself up further and revealing his clenching hole. Bobbing up and down a few more times, Jiwon circled Hanbin’s tight entrance with a finger before pressing down lightly, not enough to push inside but enough for Hanbin’s moans to rise in pitch at the sensation.

“That’s right Baby, let me hear those pretty noises.”

Hanbin whined and squirmed some more as Jiwon continued the steady pressure with his finger; dragging the nails of his other hand down Hanbin’s chest to add to the sensations running through his boyfriend’s body. Letting his free hand fall back down onto Hanbin’s dick, Jiwon stroked him as he licked up Hanbin’s thigh.

“Keep moaning, Bin-a, and I might let you come.” Hanbin’s guttural moan that came in reply rippled through Jiwon and he became uncomfortably aware of his own hard-on pressed against the bed.

“Please let me come, please let me- I’ve gotta…”

Giving into the temptation, Jiwon slipped his hand down his body to squeeze at himself through his clothes. The pressure gave a slight release but he was so horney the ache continued to build in the back of his mind.

“Fuck Baby. You think I have language skills? You should listen to yourself. As soon as you open you mouth you have me wrapped around your finger.”

“How about you wrap _your_ fingers around something else. Something like-”

Hanbin choked on his words as Jiwon returned to sucking his length and his back arched off the bed once again. Looking up at the soft, tan planes of Hanbin’s body, Jiwon hummed to himself; making Hanbin swear above him. The rapper really was something else and Jiwon doubled his efforts to break him apart with pleasure.

Continuing his assault, Hanbin’s cries rose higher and higher as he grew restless on the bed. Jiwon didn’t let up for a second, changing up his speed and motions to leave the other completely off guard and helpless.

“Jiwon, please…” Hanbin begged, his fingers scratching at Jiwon’s scalp.

“Alright, Baby.” Jiwon chuckled.

Jiwon climbed off the bed to snag the lube they had stashed away in Hanbin’s draws before turning back to the bed and letting out a whistle. Hanbin was spread out on the sheets like a banquet fit for a king and Jiwon licked his lips in anticipation.

“Come over here.” Jiwon walked back to the side of the bed and watched Hanbin heave his head up from the pillows, his eyes unfocused and his face flushed with arousal. “On your back; I’m gonna make you feel like you’re fucking flying.”

Hanbin attempted an uncoordinated roll of his eyes but eagerly scooted over to the edge of the bed. Jiwon gribbed Hanbin’s thighs and pulled him even closer to the edge; bending him nearly in half as he pushed Hanbin’s legs up towards his chest. Kneeling down on the floor so his head was level with Hanbin’s spread legs, Jiwon returned one had to his dick while he circled around Hanbin’s rim with his tongue.

“Deeper. Please, I need more.” Hanbin gasped out.

“Are you getting greedy there, baby?”

“I mean… you’re already... down there…” Hanbin’s stomach shivered as Jiwon continued to ruthlessly tongue along his crack. Letting his teeth scrap lightly along the sensitive skin, Jiwon grinned at Hanbin’s sharp cry. “Fuck, Jiwon, please-”

Jiwon pulled away to blow over the wet patch but then took pity and leaned in to press his tongue past the muscle. Hanbin’s hand, that had been holding Jiwon in place, slipped from Jiwon’s hair and wrapped around his own dick.

“You can touch yourself, Bin-a, because I’m feeling nice today.” Jiwon growled low in his throat, taking Hanbin’s wrist in a steely grip, and Hanbin’s fingers flexed where they rested on his cock. “But you can’t stop-”

“That’s generally how things work.” Hanbin huffed out.

“And you can’t come until I say.”

“Wait, but you said-”

“I said I _might_ but then you decided I wasn’t enough for you and took matters into your own hands.”

“Ji~” Hanbin whined and Jiwon chuckled as he started moving Hanbin’s hand using his grip on the other's wrist.

“Don’t stop, Baby. Let me see you pleasing yourself; make me happy.”

Hanbin choked out a cry and his head fell back onto the bed with a thud as Jiwon ducked back down to continued teasing Hanbin’s hole. Jiwon’s own member was aching and weeping with precome as he ran his fingers over the bulge in his pants; as much as Jiwon wanted to make Hanbin fall apart slowly he also wanted to get to the good part, namely Hanbin’s pleasure filled screams.

Fumbling for the bottle of lube he had dropped to the floor, Jiwon slicked up his fingers and traced around Hanbin entrance. Hanbin moaned and tried to buck up onto Jiwon’s fingers; keeping up his slow jerking obediently as he waited.

As Jiwon pressed his finger inside Hanbin let out a long and loud groan that became a high keen by the time Jiwon had pushed in the last knuckle. Jiwon bent his finger slightly where it was buried in the tight heat and stroked along the clenching walls; making Hanbin’s hand on his dick speed up slightly.

“Don’t come, Bin-a.” Jiwon chided lightly and bit his lip as the moans began to split from Hanbin’s lips almost continuously.

Pulling out the single finger, Jiwon didn’t even pause before pushing two back in. Hanbin’s toes curled and the noises suddenly cut off as the intensity of the stretch overwhelmed him. Jiwon bent both fingers again and pressed around mercilessly; only stopping when Hanbin’s entire body jerked and a yell escaped him.

Scissoring his fingers and pumping into Hanbin a few more times, Jiwon picked up the lube and flipped the cap open again. Removing his fingers completely, Jiwon drizzled more lube onto his fingers and then more straight onto Hanbin’s skin; scooping it up to push the gel into Hanbin twitching hole.

“Look at you, all wet and sloppy just for me.” Looking back up along Hanbin’s body, Jiwon noticed the man’s hand had gone still and he slapped Hanbin’s straining thigh. “I didn’t tell you to stop.”

“But I’m gunna- I want to…”

“No, I’m not done yet. Surely a greedy thing like you can’t be satisfied yet?”

“Jiwon, please.”

“Do what I tell you, Baby, or you won’t come at all.”

Jiwon didn’t give Hanbin more time to reply as he worked his fingers back and forth; the wet sounds of the movement sounding deliciously sinful as they mixed in with Hanbin’s babbling. Carrying on with a steady rhythm, Jiwon worked Hanbin through several shaking screams and even more desperate thrashing but he didn’t let up.

Adding his third and then fourth finger to Hanbin’s sweet torture, Jiwon alternated between slamming brutally into him and moving his fingers so slow and so deep it was almost maddening. Habin’s cries quickly devolved into cursing and choked off shouts but he carried on moving his hand dutifully over his dick; even when the member had turned nearly purple with his need.

Tilting his head as he watched, Jiwon gradually reduced his pounding until his fingers were just stuck inside Hanbin’s blazing insides. Hanbin whined and tried to roll his hips but the sweat and startling flush around his chest and neck gave away his exhaustion. Keeping all four fingers buried snuggly; Jiwon shifted his hand forward gradually forcing the wide part of his knuckles against Hanbin’s gaping entrance.

“No, no, no.” Hanbin’s head flopped from side to side as a sob burst from his lips. “Too much, Ji- too much.”

“Oh I don’t think so, Baby.” Jiwon spoke gently leaning down to suck the skin of Hanbin’s thigh into his mouth before releasing it with a pop. “It feels like you’re trying to suck me in. You can take it, can’t you? For me?”

“No.” Hanbin whispered miserably but his fist was a blur as it moved over his dick.

“Just relax.” Jiwon murmured into Hanbin’s damp skin and added a bit more strength behind his pushing; rotating his wrist gently to try and wiggle in.

For a moment, nothing happened; there was just the indescribable crush of Hanbin around him and then the stretched muscle gave way. As Jiwon’s fist was sucked in up to the joint of his thumb, Hanbin let out an aborted yell that almost sounded pained. Keeping a very close eye on his boyfriend’s face, Jiwon slowly let his hand relax; as Hanbin’s contracting muscles calmed down his high pitched noises turned into a pornographic moan. Bouncing his hand shallowly returned Hanbin back to his previous desperation and Jiwon eased his hand back out only to unrelentingly push it back in. 

“You’re doing so good for me, Bin-a.” Jiwon moaned, finally reaching under the waistband of his pants to take his dick in hand. The touch nearly drove Jiwon over the edge and he rubbed his cock madly. “I want you to take a little bit more, can you do that? Can you please me? I need you to take just a little more.”

“Please.” Hanbin wailed and his free hand flapped out to grip his leg and spread himself out even more.

“God, you are so beautiful.” Jiwon breathed.

Turning his hand back into a hard point, Jiwon began to push in again and Hanbin yelled - swearing and rolling his hips as Jiwon held him down. At first it felt like it was truly impossible for anything else to give but Jiwon pulled back and shifted his hand round before trying again. Jiwon grinned as he felt the slick slide against his skin allowing him to edge forwards and his hand on his own member sped up.

"Bin-" Jiwon's words cut off in a deep moan as Hanbin's body sucked him in and then latched on. "Fuck, Bin - Baby - I need you to come. Come for me."

Hanbin's body seemed to react to the command on autopilot or maybe he had already been tossed over the edge before Jiwon had even uttered the words. Hanbin screamed until his voice was hoarse as his release landed in thin lines along his torso. Jiwon swore at the sight and tried to carefully remove his hand, but it sent Hanbin into another freefall of shaking and crying as he pulled out.

The sounds of Hanbin's pleasure rang in Jiwon's ears as he stood up and planted a foot up on the bed so he loomed over Hanbin's prone form. Gripping his dick painfully hard, Jiwon worked himself towards completion; his chest heaving as he tried to drag air in past the desperation sizzling through him. When the tight coil of the intense heat finally reached its breaking point Jiwon swore he saw stars as he let his own climax join Hanbin's on the other man's chest; marking him and displaying their lurid act on his smooth skin.

"Fuck." Jiwon panted and let himself collapse onto the bed; carefully avoiding Hanbin as he did so.

"Maybe later." Hanbin's slurred reply sunk into Jiwon's skin and he couldn't help a breathless laughter bubbling up in his chest.

"Do you think you're funny?"

"Very."

"Idiot."

"Hmmm… _your_ idiot."

Jiwon really did laugh out loud then and he shifted into his side so he could turn to Hanbin. The rapper was still breathing heavily and Jiwon watched in awe as Hanbin mindlessly dragged his fingers through their cooling mess. Hanbin pulled a face as he lifted his fingers and then rubbed them on the bedsheets to get clean.

"We should clean up."

"You mean _you_ should clean up. Then clean me up and then carry me to your room.*

"Demanding."

"Look who's talking." Hanbin grumped.

Jiwon gave in easily, he had gone hard on Bin after all, and quickly cleaned them up. Hanbin had nearly nodded off under the warm spray of the shower and Jiwon cooed at the younger man when he finally got them tucked into a fresh, clean bed.

Hanbin immediately rolled himself into a tight ball in the blankets, wincing slightly at the movement, and pinned Jiwon down as he claimed the space on his chest once again. The sounds of the dorm at night, the noise of the city and occasional gusts of wind, acted as a lullaby to send both men into a daze and Jiwon almost had his fingers dug into the fog of sleep when Hanbin's voice broke through the haze.

"What does it mean?"

"What does what mean, Bin-a?" Jiwon hummed, not even bothering to open his eyes.

“What does the song mean?”

“It means a lot of things…” Jiwon tried to evade the question, his cheeks heating up at the thought of Hanbin knowing what he had been trying to say, and he was suddenly wide awake again.

“Okay, but what does it mean to you?”

“It means… I-” Jiwon broke off and had to swallow down his nervousness but Hanbin tilted his head so he could look up at Jiwon from where he rested against his chest. “The lyrics they’re… literally translated its-”

“Just get on with it.” Hanbin chuckled and gently slapped Jiwon’s arm but missed with his rubbery limbs.

“Okay, translating it directly it means: I missed you without knowing you, I needed you before seeing you. Everyday I’m falling more in love with you; I’m falling and I already don’t know how to get out. Tell me how far this love is going to take us. When I see you, every time I love you more.”

Hanbin stayed silent where he lay on Jiwon’s body and Jiwon found himself craning his neck to try and catch a glimpse of his expression. As the moment dragged on Jiwon felt an urge within himself, uncontrollable and completely irrational, to tell Hanbin the truth behind the song - the whole truth.

“It means: I want to give you all my love. Forever.”

“That’s- that sounds like hipster wedding vows to me.” Hanbin muffled reply was barely audible over Jiwon’s pounding heart but it was there, and it was _real_.

Jiwon closed his eyes and tried to calm his racing pulse; mentally scolding himself for reading too much into the wistful quality in Hanbin’s voice. Hanbin wasn’t even aware of what the song was meant to represent, yes Jiwon had told him the lyrics but expressing it as an actual desire of his own was a whole other level, and Jiwon wasn’t entirely sure they were ready for the true meaning to be spoken. Not yet, anyway.

Hanbin sighed and snuggled closer into Jiwon's chest, their naked and sweaty skin clinging to each other, as they settled back into their previous languid atmosphere. Having the man so close made all thoughts of the possible future fly out of Jiwon's head so he could stare down at Hanbin's damp hair and feel the breath against his chest.

Pulling the other man closer and closing his eyes to fully sink into the calm, Jiwon felt the growing urge from before to tell Hanbin the truth. Hanbin's words had been hinting at something, something _more_ , and Jiwon couldn't let that pass without a promise of something more from his own lips.

“Maybe they are, Bin, maybe they are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also please follow me on twitter @giraffaholic1  
> I post sporadically and really random K-pop stuff but I want more moots and friends on the tl.
> 
> I don't know why u would want to be my friend after reading..... That. But anyway, I'll welcome you.
> 
> For extra information, the songs included are:  
> Room Shaker - Ailee  
> Two Weeks - FKA Twigs  
> Cada día - Raquel Sofia
> 
> So please go check then out :)
> 
> xxx

**Author's Note:**

> The songs that were used in this chapter are:  
> Snapping by Chungha  
> Dramatic by BVNDIT  
> Gogobebe by Mamamoo
> 
> Check them out if you are curious.
> 
> I'm also looking for requests for things to write. It can be anything really.  
> Comment anything you want to see down below or message me on twitter @Giraffaholic1
> 
> Thank you for reading xxx


End file.
